


Your Hand in Mine

by Mlendera



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Boys In Love, M/M, Pining, Slow Dancing, just dudes being bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mlendera/pseuds/Mlendera
Summary: Ren is stuck playing dead at Leblanc, and Ryuji makes it his mission to visit every day to make sure he doesn’t actually die of boredom. One evening, Ryuji lets slip he took dance classes as part of his physical therapy, and before he knows it their TV binging bro-downs are set aside for…ballroom dance lessons. Well, anything beats sitting through another episode of Bubbly Hills 90210, and dancing honestly isn’t that bad when you’re partnered with someone like Ren. It’s almost romantic, even.





	Your Hand in Mine

“Dude, I don’t get how you can watch this shit,” Ryuji groaned as he sank further into Ren’s musty couch and struggled to find a more comfortable position. He wiggled his shoulders into the armrest supporting his head and stretched his legs out as far as the cramped piece of furniture would allow, hoping either movement would offer some amount of relief. They did not.

It had been almost 2 weeks since Ren’s great escape from police custody, and although the Phantom Thieves were mostly confident that Shido and his goons weren’t going to be sniffing around for their leader any time soon, Ren had agreed to play it safe and limit his time outside the stuffy attic.

Ryuji let his leg fall to floor in a vain attempt to loosen the cramped appendage. He imagined a shadow grabbing hold and yanking him under the couch to meet his demise.

With no school work to keep him occupied during the immense stretch of downtime, Ren had turned to devouring every book he could get his hands on. And when he had read all of those, he cleared out the retro video game store, even grabbing games no sane 17-year-old would ever possibly be interested in (Like who the hell wants to play a golf simulator?). And once he completed every title enough times that he could beat them with his eyes closed, he turned his attention towards DVD rentals. Which was what led Ryuji here today, bored and miserable on a tiny attic couch.

He dropped his arm off the couch to mirror his leg, enjoying the cool feel of the wooden floor boards on the back of his hand. It would be a lot easier for a shadow to put him out of his misery now.

It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy watching TV. Hell, it was one of his favorite pastimes, and chilling in front of the television with his best bro would normally sound like a killer way to waste the day. But after an agonizing 4 days of marathoning _Bubbly Hills, 90210_ with the guy, he was fucking over it. Shit was brutal – bad acting, bad plot, bad set design, bad dubs. 0/10, would not recommend.

He flopped the rest of his body down onto the floor, face down so he at least didn’t have to look at the TV for a little while. Sadly, no shadow came to claim him.

“What are you complaining about down there?” Ren asked from his place on the futon. His eyes still glued to the screen.

Ryuji scrabbled up into a sitting position against the couch, pleased to have finally earned a modicum of attention from the other boy. A feat which had become progressively more and more difficult as Ren became more and more invested in the show.

“Shit’s too unrealistic, man,” Ryuji began his assault on _Bubbly Hills_. “Like, I mean, I like unrealistic shows and all, but it’s too much. The characters all look and talk like they’re pushing 30, and the so-called drama is pathetic. ‘Oh no, my best friend is sleeping with my boyfriend, and I’m sleeping with her boyfriend, and we all just found out and are gonna take an entire season to figure out that we should just date the other dudes even though it’s the most obvious solution.’”

“That only happened in season 3.” Ren frowned. “And it was complicated because Sasha and Eric had just become step-siblings. Which you would understand if you paid attention.”

“That don’t make it any better, dude.” Ryuji laughed, and Ren joined him.

“Any other complaints, or did you get it all off your chest?”

“Oh, I’m just getting started.” Ryuji lightly kicked at one of the crates holding up Ren’s mattress.

“How exciting for me.” Ren rolled his eyes with a sigh, but when he finally looked down towards the other boy he was smiling. It was nice to see Ren smile. It didn’t happen nearly often enough these days.

“Well, the other thing that really gets me is all the dances. Like, every 5 episodes there’s another big school dance or crazy party at some asshole’s mansion. How? Why?”

Ren shrugged. “Rich Americans.”

“And somehow, someway, all those dances and parties end with the couple-of-the-hour falling in love after one slow dance. I mean, come on, have these writers even danced with someone before? Shit ain’t that magical.”

“Seems to me you just aren’t romantic enough for the masterpiece that is _Bubbly Hills, 90210_.”

“I’m plenty romantic, dude.” Ryuji scoffed. “And I’ve danced with enough chicks to know it ain’t as lovey-dovey as your crappy taste in television makes it out to be.”

“You can dance?” Ren scooted closer to the edge of the futon to stare down at Ryuji, eyebrow quirked incredulously. “And you’ve danced with a girl before? As in, a real, proper slow dance?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Ren paused for a beat before shaking his head. “No. I don’t believe you.”

“What? Why the hell not?”

“It just doesn’t fit your aesthetic.”

“Dude, that don’t make any sense,” Ryuji said before kicking the futon crate again.

Ren swatted at his leg like an overgrown cat. “Makes more sense than resident delinquent Ryuji Sakamoto moonlighting as a dancing queen.”

“Whatever, man,” Ryuji said with an exaggerated eye roll. “You need me to prove it to you or something?”

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, and as he watched the other boy’s face transform into a mischievous grin, he began to regret them tenfold.

“Yes. Prove it. Dance for me right now.”

“Wh-what? Hell no, dude,” Ryuji choked out, heat slowly rising to his face at the suggestion.

“Ah,” Ren pouted before rolling onto his back, now staring at Ryuji upside down. “So you were lying.”

“I ain’t lying!”

“That’s exactly what a liar would say.”

“I ain’t lying!” Ryuji repeated, embarrassment lost to the fiery need to defend himself. He knew he was playing right into Ren’s hands, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I’m romantic as hell, and I _do_ know how to dance, and I’m saying they ain’t as related as people think.”

Ren blinked at him slowly before responding. “Prove it.”

“Dude, no. I only know partner dances, so I’d look stupid as hell showing you. And besides, there’s no music playing, so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I don’t.”

“So I’ll play something on my phone and dance with you. Problem solved.”

“That don’t change the fact that I don’t want to do it.”

“Fine,” Ren sighed, pulling out his phone. “Guess I’ll have to bring in the big guns. Who do you think would be most interested in watching you?” He began to type as he spoke. “Probably Futaba; she’d want to put it online. Or maybe Yusuke could sketch you.”

“Wha—dude, don’t text people about it!” Ryuji panicked. He crawled forward, trying to snatch the phone from Ren’s hand, but the other boy held him easily at bay and continued to type one-handed. Damn him and his pull ups. “I—ugh, fine—I’ll prove it, okay? Just don’t tell anyone else.”

“Too late,” Ren smirked as he hit send.

“Dammit, man,” Ryuji groaned and slumped back. His phone chimed a moment later. Probably a demand from Futaba, the only member of their group with more free time than Ren and a penchant for responding to messages as soon as she received them. And sometimes before. He gulped, forcing himself to unlock his phone and read the message with a silent plea for mercy.

 **RenRen:** Dance with me. I promise not to make fun of you. Thief’s honor.

Ryuji couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a real ass, you know.”

“It’s part of my charm,” Ren replied with a wink before rolling over and hopping off the bed. He reached his hands down for Ryuji. “Come on, you already said you’d do it.”

Ryuji groaned in response but grabbed Ren’s hands to be helped up. He toyed with the idea of just pulling him down instead but decided against it. The faster he stood, the faster he could get this whole thing over with.

“What kind of music should I play?” Ren asked as he opened his phone’s web browser.

“I dunno, man. Just look up ‘waltz’ and pick the first result I guess,” Ryuji replied. “I never really had to pick anything before; the teacher always had music ready.”

“Make sense,” Ren said.

Moments later, a vaguely familiar melody began to play in Ren’s hand. Ryuj’s eyes drifted closed as he counted along with the piece. _One – two – three, four – five – six._ He tapped his fingers gently against his thigh as the music continued, picturing the steps he would teach Ren in time. _One – two – three, four – five – six._

“Yeah, this’ll work. Just put it on repeat,” he decided, opening his eyes and nodding to Ren. The other boy looked at him with a curious expression, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “What?”

Ren shook his head. “Nothing.” He placed his phone on the table next to the television, which was paused, ironically, on the image of some interchangeable male lead working up the nerve to ask an equally interchangeable girl to dance. Ryuji had mostly been exaggerating when he complained about the absurd dancing trope, but he did feel rather vindicated having the evidence right there in front of him.

“What now, teach?” Ren asked.

The music playing from the phone was a little muffled, but not so much that Ryuji couldn’t keep track of the tempo. The envisioned steps still played out in his mind, and he knew he could match them easily. The hard part was figuring out how exactly to explain them to his friend.

“You’ve never danced at all before?” He was fairly sure he knew the answer already.

“Nope,” Ren answered, playfully popping the ‘p’ as he did. He leaned against the TV table, head cocked to one side, and continued to watch Ryuji. He was definitely enjoying himself, and they hadn’t even started yet. Ryuji, on the other hand, was growing to regret his decision to participate more and more each passing minute.

“Uh, well,” Ryuji rubbed the back of his head as he struggled to find the best starting point. He tried to think back to his first lesson over a year ago, to remember how his teacher started them out. “Just watch me for now, I guess, and then we’ll do the steps together.”

He moved to stand in the center of the clear attic floor, far enough from any protruding furniture to prevent stubbed toes, which he thought to be a very valid concern in this endeavor – especially once Ren eventually joined him. “Okay, I’m gonna show you the box step. It’s literally the easiest dance step out there, so just pay attention to my feet and even you won’t be able to mess it up.”

“Hey,” Ren protested, but Ryuji just laughed and ignored him.

He stood facing Ren, feet together in the starting position, and began to move, narrating his steps as he went along. “So, first thing you’re gonna do is step forward with your left foot. Then you’re gonna move your right foot up the same way, but instead of keeping it there you’re going to move it out to the right. Each time you put a foot down, you’re going to transfer your weight to it. That way you can move on to the next step. Does that make sense?” Ren nodded.

“Okay, good. Now you’re going to move your left foot next to your right. This time it is going to stay there, so your feet will be together like in the beginning. Then you’re going to step back with your right foot and bring your left back and out – just like you did with your right foot before, only backwards now. Then you step left with your right foot, which brings you back to the start.” He drew his feet together as he finished his explanation. “Any questions so far?”

He looked towards Ren to find him staring back with a weird intensity, one that was vaguely familiar but still not something Ryuji could easily name. It wasn’t the look a real dance student gave their instructor though, and it definitely wasn’t the look one friend gave to another when they were trying to kill time in a stuffy attic. No, it was…it was something else, and the focus of Ren’s gaze reminded Ryuji that he should be embarrassed. And he would have been if he weren’t too busy trying to figure out what was going on in Ren’s head.

“No.” Ren’s voice snapped him back to the present. His calm tone didn’t match his stare, which honestly made the situation weirder, but Ryuji didn’t allow himself the time to dwell on it. “Just show me a couple more times, and I think I’ll be ready to try for myself.”

Ryuji nodded and started again, this time just counting the steps and letting the footwork speak for itself.

“One.” Left foot forward. “Two.” Right foot forward and to the side. “Three.” Left foot right. “Four.” Right foot back. “Five.” Left foot back and to the side. “Six.” Return to the starting position. Repeat.

“I think I’m ready to give it a shot,” Ren said after Ryuji repeated the steps a dozen more times. He pushed himself away from the table and towards Ryuji, who stopped mid-sequence and held out his hand. Ren took it easily but hesitated when Ryuji pulled him closer and began to guide his other hand to his shoulder. “What are you-?”

Ryuji snorted out a laugh. “We’re dance partners, dude. Did you think we were going to shuffle around with our hands in our pockets?”

Ren mumbled out a response that sounded vaguely like ‘maybe’ before arranging his hand into a more comfortable position on Ryuji’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. The intense stare from earlier had vanished completely, and in its place was one of clear apprehension – brows drawn slightly together and lips set in a thin frown. He was nervous, Ryuji realized, though for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why.

“You okay, dude?” Ryuji asked, returning Ren’s shoulder squeeze in an effort to comfort his friend.

“Yeah,” he said in reply. “This is just…weirder than I thought it would be.”

“It was your idea,” Ryuji laughed again. “And I told you it’d be weird, but you didn’t want to listen.”

“I know, but…” Ren blushed. He took his hands back from Ryuji and drew them towards his own chest, rubbing his left wrist with his opposite hand. A bright pink scar peeked out from beneath his sleeve, a still-fresh memento of his time in police custody only a few short weeks ago.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

It was no secret that Ren had never really been a touchy guy. Sure, he’d accept whatever his friends threw at him – a pat on the back, a high five, even an enthusiastic hug or two – but he never initiated.

No, Ren was a man of action. He showed his affection through his deeds. He accompanied Ann to her photo shoots until she developed the self-confidence to start going alone again. He followed Yusuke halfway across Tokyo and Mementos on his desperate quest to re-spark his inspiration. Hell, he even drank elephant dung coffee for Haru. But he didn’t touch, not unless it was absolutely needed.

And now here he was, putting himself in this uncomfortable position because Ryuji couldn’t resist complaining about _Bubbly Hills_. One of the few things keeping Ren sane while he was forced to hide out in his bedroom nearly 24/7, keeping him from reliving the torture and abuse that he gladly burdened himself with so his teammates wouldn’t have to.

Had Ryuji even thanked him for his sacrifice? Really, truly thanked him? He racked his brain, searching for any memory of some appreciative gesture, but all that came to mind was a haphazard arm around the shoulder, hastily withdrawn after Ren winced under the pressure.

And he knew he didn’t apologize for that, didn’t even acknowledge it, because the group immediately launched into the ‘big reveal’ to get Sojiro and Niijima caught up. Who had time for feelings when you could focus on long, drawn-out explanations instead?

 _Fuck_. Had he always been such a terrible friend?

No wonder the track team ditched him as soon as they could.

“Hey, man,” Ryuji broke their tense silence, tongue darting out to lick his lips uncomfortably. “We don’t have to do this.”

“What do you mean?” Ren asked with evident confusion. He didn’t stop rubbing his wrist.

“We can, like, go back to watching the show,” Ryuji continued. “It’s not really as bad as I made it out to be, and I know you’re dying to find out if that red head is actually pregnant or just faking it to make her boyfriend stick around or whatever.”

Ren smiled at that. “I want to, though. I want to learn how to dance. I want to do _something_ other than sit around on my futon all day. It’s just…”

“Just weird,” Ryuji supplied, hopefully not unhelpfully. Ren hummed in agreement but made no attempt to expand on the subject. “Well, it’s your call. I’m up for whatever, man. Even if it’s making an ass of myself to relieve your boredom, I guess.”

Ren laughed and finally released the grip he held on his wrist. Tentatively, he lifted his hands back towards Ryuji, resuming their positions on his shoulder and in his hand. Ren’s grip was stiff, a little awkward, but his eyes shone with a new determination. Ryuji was equally hesitant when he moved his hand up to Ren’s shoulder but tried to hold on with more confidence than his friend showed. He suspected he was about 20% successful.

“Ready?” Ryuji asked.

Ren gave a quick nod and a smile reminiscent of his signature cocky smirk. “Please be gentle, senpai,” he deadpanned, quickly followed by an “Ow!” when Ryuji (justifiably) pinched him.

“Ignore the music and listen to my count for now, okay? I’m going to go slow until you get the hang of things,” Ryuji said, straightening his posture and preparing to move. “Ready, and, one.” Ryuji stepped forward with his left foot as he spoke—

And crashed directly into Ren, stomping roughly on his toes while his own were simultaneously crushed. Their heads knocked together, but thankfully they were moving slowly enough that it only hurt a little.

“Ow, dude, what the fuck?” Ryuji released Ren’s hand to rub his forehead.

“What do you mean ‘what the fuck’?” Ren pulled off his glasses and wiped away the Ryuji-face-smudges with the hem of his shirt. “I did exactly what you told me to do!”

“No, you were supposed to step backwards first while I moved forwards!”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?” Ren snapped, re-affixing his glasses on the bridge of his nose and glaring at Ryuji with a distinctly unamused expression.

“Because I’m teaching you, which means I’m the leader and you’re the follower, and…” He trailed off. “Oh… I guess I didn’t really explain that part, did I?”

“You did not,” Ren huffed.

Ryuji rubbed the back of his head and sighed, suddenly fascinated by the woodgrain on the floorboards. “Sorry, man. I’m trying my best here, but I obviously don’t know what I’m doing.” The guilt he felt early began to resurface, compounded now with his apparent inability to teach a basic dance step/distract his best friend from the boredom that came from staying in an attic 24/7.

He looked up at Ren, expecting to be met with the same sour look, but was surprised to find only an amused smile instead. “A-anyway, there’s always a leader and a follower in this type of dance. Normally the girl is the follower, but since we’re both dudes, I figured it made sense for it to be you since you’re just starting out and all. I just… forgot to tell you what I was thinking, I guess. Forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive,” Ren chuckled and held out his arms for Ryuji to hold onto once more. “Just try not to step on me again. You’re a lot heavier than you look.”

Ryuji resumed the starting position, and this time when he counted out “one,” they actually got it right.

Ren’s dancing (if you could call it that) was stiff and choppy, but they both managed to avoid injuring one another, which was already a major improvement. Ryuji counted slowly and patiently, letting Ren run through the list of steps in his head before committing to the right one and further waiting for him to fully shift his weight before moving on to the next step. There was no consistent rhythm to their footwork, no grace to their movements, but Ryuji didn’t care. And, as far as he could tell, neither than Ren.

They were just having fun.

“You’re actually pretty good at this,” Ren said after a few turns. His eyes were glued to their feet, watching out to ensure no further collisions.

“I should hope so. Four,” Ryuji said. “Spent long enough in classes. Five. I knew I had to have remembered something. Six.”

“Well I’m impressed.” Ren snuck a glance up at Ryuji’s face, just long enough to flash him a smile before returning his focus downwards.

They danced for a long time. Ryuji couldn’t say how long exactly; he didn’t bother to keep track. But long enough for Ren to gain enough confidence in the sequence of steps and his footwork for Ryuji to stop counting out loud (which was a _major_ relief because his that shit’s exhausting). They still couldn’t quite match the song’s tempo, but it was nice to have the background noise. Plus, it was kind of like having a goal for them to work towards. Albeit, extremely slowly.

“How did you end up taking dance classes anyway?” Ren asked eventually.

“Oh, uh, it’s kinda embarrassing actually.”

Ren snorted. “Now you definitely have to tell me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryuji hadn’t expected him to drop the subject but still wasn’t exactly thrilled to have to discuss it. “Just don’t go around telling people.” He waited a beat before continuing.

“After everything that happened with Kamoshida, my mom went on this, like, personal crusade to become a better parent and be more present in my life. I told her that what he did wasn’t her fault and that she didn’t need to change anything, but she wouldn’t listen. Once I was ready to start physical therapy, she signed us both up for ballroom dance lessons at the community center near our apartment. Apparently one of the doctors recommended it or something. I dunno. But we went every other week for six months or so.

“It was mostly just a bunch of old ladies, and since I was one of the only guys, I ended up partnering with all of them instead of just hanging with my ma. Which she thought was hilarious, by the way. But after she got her second job, she didn’t really have the free time anymore, so we quit going. It wasn’t too bad in the end, and it did help me get more comfortable on my bum leg, but I definitely don’t miss being told what a ‘handsome, young man’ I am every five minutes.”

Ryuji waited for Ren to start laughing, to make fun of him for going to dance lessons with his mom. And for kind of enjoying them, no less, though he had tried to downplay that fact during his explanation.

“That’s not an embarrassing story, Ryuji.” Ren’s statement caught Ryuji by surprise, and it must have been evident by the look on his face. “Your mom signed you up for those lessons because she wanted to help you heal, and you went with her because you love her. That’s not embarrassing. That’s enviable.”

“I… never thought about it that way,” Ryuji admitted, a faint warmth rising to his cheeks as he spoke.

“Of course you didn’t,” Ren scoffed, not unkindly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ that you do these incredible things – things like dancing with old ladies for your mom to make her feel better and wasting all your afternoons in a stuffy attic so I don’t die of boredom – and you don’t even realize how selfless you’re being.”

“I-I don’t—”

Ren barreled through his interruption. “Do you know how many times the others have come to visit me since I’ve been in hiding? Yeah, they text me to make sure I’m doing okay – and don’t get me wrong I really do appreciate that – but you’re the only one who actually visits me. Every day. Literally. And for hours at a time. Ryuji, you’re…”

Distantly, Ryuji realized they had stopped moving, but he could only focus on his own breathing and the words tumbling out of Ren’s mouth.

“You’re a good friend. A _great_ friend, and a great son, too. I know you don’t see it, but I do, and I’m lucky to have you in my life. We all are.”

The slight heat he had felt begin to form on his face turned red-hot in an instant. “I’m not – I’m not that great.” He was at a loss for words but tried to speak anyway, hoping that just making the attempt to argue would be enough to spur his thoughts into action. “I-I mean, you’re the good friend. Like, you saved our asses, man. You know that, right?”

Ren shrugged. “You would have done the same.”

“I mean, maybe, yeah. But I didn’t. It was all you,” Ryuji persisted. “You say I don’t give myself enough credit, but have you taken a look at yourself? Like, literally, taken a look at yourself? All those cuts and bruises – we could have all ended up with those, or worse. But we’re fine, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Ryuji paused, giving Ren time to absorb everything he said. The other boy didn’t respond, his eyes cast downward again. And when Ryuji looked closely enough, he could swear he saw tears beginning to form behind his thick frames. He didn’t point them out, though.

“I never even thanked you,” he said softly, squeezing Ren’s hand which was still cupped in his own. By now, both their palms had grown uncomfortably sweaty, but the idea of letting go felt too wrong to consider.

“So, thanks, man. For saving all of us from Shido and the police. For believing me about Kamoshida. For being my friend. For _everything_. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ren said softly. A tear finally made good on its threat to fall and began to slowly trickle down his face. He removed his hand from Ryuji’s shoulder long enough to wipe it away, but their other two hands remained linked. “And thanks for believing me and being my friend, too.”

Silence overtook them again. Ryuji felt like they were standing in the middle of a thunderstorm. Emotionally charged air crackled around them like lightening waiting to strike, and after the moment they had already shared he wasn’t sure he could handle much more. He was desperate to release the tension held between them in that moment, but he knew better than to try and do so by letting go of Ren.

“Man,” he started, a little hesitantly. “Guess the part about big emotional speeches wasn’t as off-base as I thought it was.”

Another beat of silence; Ryuji held his breath.

And Ren started laughing. A quiet snort at first, as if he couldn’t quite believe what Ryuji had said and needed to allow himself the time to really process it. Then louder, fuller – bubbling up from his chest with full force and shaking his slumped shoulders awake. He smiled so widely that Ryuji thought his face might crack, and when tears began to fall again, he knew they weren’t from sadness.

“I guess not,” he finally said, taking in deep breaths in order to regain his composure.

“I still stand by what I said about the romance thing, though.”

“Please, if I was a cute girl, you’d be all over me right now.” Ren rolled his eyes, grin still plastered to his face.

Ryuji rolled his eyes back. “You wish.”

“You wish I wished.”

“Whatever, dude,” Ryuji said. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

Ren hummed in response. “Although…”

“Although what?”

“Maybe we just didn’t do it right.” He waggled his eyebrows as he spoke. Ryuji could just barely make out the movement beneath his messy mop of hair. The mischief in his eyes shone clearly.

“Do I even want to know what you’re talking about?” Ryuji asked.

“Just follow my lead,” Ren instructed, stepping backwards and starting up their dance again without preamble. Their steps matched the tempo set out by the music still playing in the background with surprising accuracy, and Ryuji would have been impressed if he weren’t so confused and exhausted from the constant emotional changes they were trudging through. Happy, sad, happy, sad – up, down, up, down. He was getting whiplash.

“Oh, Ryuji!” Ren spoke loudly, enunciating each syllable with comical clarity. He sounded like a middle schooler performing in their first play. “We’ve been friends for so long, but only now during this incredibly romantic dance do I feel brave enough to finally tell you: I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met.” He punctuated the last bit by squeezing both Ryuji’s hand and shoulder. He stared at him with wide, exaggerated eyes, his mouth opened into a small ‘o’ as if he had truly just confessed his feelings and was waiting for Ryuji’s response with bated breath.

He really was waiting for a response though, fully expecting Ryuji to play along and provide an equally sappy confession. It wasn’t something that Ryuji minded, per se. They had played dumber games, told each other dumber things plenty of times before. He just… didn’t know what to say? And he almost told Ren as much, until he saw the slight twitch of uncertainty in Ren’s eye begging him not to leave him hanging like this.

“I-I guess,” he started. “I’d die for you. Or something.”

“That’s really all you got?” Ren frowned.

“You put me on the spot! You know I don’t do this kind of stuff.”

“Fine, fine,” Ren pulled himself out of Ryuji’s arms with feigned dramatics. “But this does confirm my theory that you’re about as romantic as a sea slug.”

“Whatever, man,” Ryuji huffed. He refused to acknowledge the red creeping up his face in response to his words. “I’ll be way better when it counts.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Ren snorted as he grabbed his phone from the table. He paused the song they had been playing on repeat. Its sudden absence made Ryuji feel strangely lonely. “But it’s getting late, so you may want to leave soon. Morgana should be home from Futaba’s any minute, and I don’t want you to miss the last train.”

“Sounds good, man,” Ryuji toed his shoes back on and grabbed his bag. “Same time tomorrow?”

Ren hummed in affirmation, and the two walked downstairs. Ryuji turned as the coffee shop door closed behind him and waved one last goodbye to Ren. But he wasn’t watching; he looked down at the lock as he turned it in place, a soft smile on his lips.

Ryuji found himself thinking, only for a second, how weirdly beautiful Ren looked when he smiled like that.

\---------------------------------------

Ren couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Ryuji. It was sometime in the summer – or had it been only spring? Somewhere between the two of them almost dying in Kamoshida’s palace and Ryuji almost getting run over by a taxi cab in his mad dash to save Makoto from thugs. That was the timeline. Palace near-death – falling for his best friend – taxi near-death.

He knew this for a fact because that stupid taxi move was the moment he realized his feelings, full force as he braced himself for the inevitable impact. Watched as that beautiful, brave _idiot_ thoughtlessly risked his life for a girl they barely knew, as if he didn’t know the damage losing him would cause. Probably because he really didn’t know. And when the taxi stopped, mere millimeters from that perfect, stupid boy, that had been the moment when Ren realized how hopelessly head over heels he really was, how desperately he needed to tell him, and how he absolutely could not.

Ren had known he was… “that way,” as he had grown so accustomed to other people calling it, since middle school. It was the typical story; his friends in the locker room discussing the relative attractiveness of each girl in their grade, and Ren in the corner wondering if he should bring up how cute the captain of the boys’ soccer team was (the girls’ captain he couldn’t care less about). He didn’t, and neither did anyone else. It appeared to be inherently known that only girls were cute and dateable and deserving of this kind of locker room talk, while other boys were just other boys.

He wondered if there was something wrong with him.

He ignored his feelings, bit back each recurring urge to voice his true thoughts (Yeah she’s cute I guess, but have you seen her older brother?), and willed himself to change. When, three months later, the nice, shy girl that sat behind him in class and sometimes borrowed his pencil confessed to him, he panicked. He barely managed to stutter out a lame excuse about not being allowed to date anybody before literally running away.

“What if I don’t like girls?” Ren had asked at dinner that night. His parents stared. The question was kind of out of the blue so he couldn’t blame them. “The other boys...they all like girls. But I don’t think I do.”

His father laughed then. “You’ll like them someday, but your only focus for now should be your grades. No girlfriends until you’re top of the class.”

 _But what if I don’t ever like girls? And what if I already like boys?_ He knew better than to push the subject further and took some small comfort in knowing that his father’s new rule meant he hadn’t entirely lied to that girl.

All this to say, just as Ren knew without a doubt he was “that way,” he knew with equal certainty that Ryuji absolutely was not. He could see it in the way Ryuji watched the female members of the Phantom Thieves. In the way he always looked back when passing an attractive woman on the street. In the way his eyes sometimes lingered on Ren’s more “womanly” personas right after battle.

And Ren couldn’t blame him. He was hardly any better when it came to admiring handsome men - he just managed to do so while maintaining some semblance of subtlety and tact. Something Ryuji couldn’t begin to imitate. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it though. Hadn’t wondered what it would be like to one day look up and find Ryuji staring at him with the same fiery desire he had seen directed at Ann a hundred times over. Hadn’t wondered how it might feel to have his arm slung around his waist instead of over his shoulders, flirtatious instead of friendly.

When he had asked Ryuji to teach him to dance it had been on a whim, an automatic response to learning something new about his friend. He was momentarily caught up in the mental image of Ryuji enacting any physical movement that wasn’t slouching or running, and he had in no way considered the consequences for his request. Namely, that Ryuji would agree.

Watching him demonstrate the dance moves had been wonderful but holding his hand and following along was pure magic. And listening to his story about his mom? Ren could have sworn he felt his soul temporarily leave his body in that moment, returning only long enough to desperately spill out his feelings for the other boy and leaving again right before he could accidentally profess his love for real.

It had been a stupid whim. Perhaps the stupidest whim of all stupid whims. But it was also the best 83 minutes of his life, and he wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.

So, who could blame him if he did it again?

The following week had been rough on all of them. Shido’s palace was brutal in ways none of the others had been, working not only every last muscle in their bodies but also testing their emotional fortitude. They were winning the game so far, but only by so much, and although nobody said as much out loud, they all desperately needed a break.

“Let’s let it sit for a while,” Ren had said as they neared the palace exit. “We have plenty of time left, and it’s not like the ship is going anywhere.”

The rest of the team gave weak protests in response, but there was no missing the way their shoulders slumped in relief at his instructions. They parted ways at the train station with vague plans to regroup in two days’ time. Ren boarded his train with Futaba and Morgana, and they sat in companionable silence, Morgana snug in his bag and Futaba resting lightly against his shoulder while she surfed whatever chatroom had most piqued her interest in that moment. It was nice, spending quiet time with his makeshift family like this, but not nearly as nice as spending less-than-quiet time with Ryuji.

 **Me:** Bubbly Hills tomorrow?

 **Ryuji:** Do you really gotta ask?

If he was being honest with himself, he could totally see why Ryuji complained about the show the way he did. He wasn’t wrong when he said the actors were aged and kind of terrible and that the plot was growing more and more ludicrous each episode. But he was five seasons in to an eight season show, and at this point nothing short of not-faked death could keep him from finishing.

“Oh my god,” Ryuji groaned from his spot on the couch. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms before gesturing wildly at the television. “I knew it. Another fucking dance episode.”

“Would you like a prize?” Ren deadpanned, if only to elicit another dramatic sigh. It worked.

“Sure, if the prize is never watching this stupid show again.”

“You love it.”

“Do not!”

“And yet you keep coming back,” Ren said. “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a liar?”

“Wha--” Ryuji spluttered. “I ain’t either of those things! I’m just trying to be a good friend, is all!”

Ren laughed. “You are. Being a good friend, I mean.” He paused. “And we can watch something else if you really want to. I think I have a copy of the _Phoenix Rangers R_ movie somewhere around here.”

He stood up to dig through the box of things he brought from home but stopped when Ryuji spoke. “Nah, man. I mean, we’re basically almost done with this season anyway, right? Might as well stick it out.”

Ren looked over to find Ryuji staring pointedly at the floor, arms crossed over his chest and a barely perceptible pink tint to his cheeks. Was he embarrassed?

“Thanks, Ryuji. As long as you’re sure you’re okay with it.”

“It’s whatever,” he shrugged.

They continued to watch the episode, Ryuji making snide remarks anytime something remotely snide-worthy happened on screen, and Ren responding to his comments with equal snark. It was good; it was normal. Yet something felt supremely off.

“Dance with me again.” The words came tumbling out of Ren’s mouth before he could stop himself, and he had to physically resist the urge to slap his hand over his face. He kept his eyes glued to the television after he spoke, refusing to so much as glance at Ryuji’s direction. _What the hell?_

“Huh?” He could see Ryuji shift to face him in his peripheral. “What’d you say?’

_Don’t do it. Don’t repeat yourself. Don’t be an idiot. Say you sneezed, and it just sounded really weird. Or you did speak, but he misunderstood you. ‘Dance with me again’? No, I said ‘centipede margin.’ Get it together. You’re the leader of the Phantom Thieves for god’s sake, be cool._

“Uh, I said…” _Don’t, don’t, don’t!_ “Dance with me again.” Ren finally let himself look towards Ryuji. The other boy looked as puzzled as Ren thought he would, but he wasn’t laughing or running away, so that was something.

“You wanna dance again? But why?”

_Because I’m hopelessly in love with you and want another excuse to hold your hand and stare in your eyes and pretend to pretend to confess to you when I’m actually completely serious._

“I just thought it would be fun.” Ren made himself shrug as nonchalantly as possible. “Maybe make the big dance scene less painful for you. And you’re a good teacher. For the most part anyway.”

“I dunno, man,” Ryuji frowned. “I mean, the music will be all wrong, and it’s gonna keep jumping to different scenes. Can’t really keep track of it.”

He clearly wasn’t into the idea, but...he wasn’t… saying... no?

Ren was back on his feet before any remaining sane brain cell could tell him to stop. He quickly strode towards the couch and held his hand out for Ryuji to grab. “Let’s just try it. We can stop if it’s too weird.”

Ryuji scrutinized his hand but grabbed ahold without complaint, albeit with clear reluctance. “Fine, I guess. But you owe me.”

“I’m okay with that,” Ren hummed and walked backwards towards clear floor space. They reached his end goal too quickly and were left staring at one another in uncomfortable silence. But you’re damn right he held on to Ryuji’s hand.

“So, like, how do you wanna do this?” Ryuji finally asked. Ren looked over his shoulder to the television screen. It showed two of the main characters dancing to an upbeat American song. There was no particular rhyme or reason to their movements, just an expression of fun and excitement. He would have much preferred something slow and romantic, or perhaps another waltz. But he could only be so lucky.

“Um. Just follow my lead.” He took hold of Ryuji’s other hand and lifted their arms in the air. He shook them around, trying to recreate the same feeling he saw onscreen, but it wasn’t coming through. He let go and dropped his arms back to his sides.

“Wow. that was pretty bad.”

“Shut up, I know.”

“I mean, way worse than I woulda thought.”

“I said shut up.”

“Ain’t you supposed to be the cool one?”

“Ryuji, I swear to god--”

Ryuji laughed and reached out for Ren’s hand again. “Sorry, sorry. I just. Yeah, no, it was so bad.” He placed his other hand on Ren’s shoulder, and Ren rose his to Ryuji’s shoulder on instinct. “Let’s just do it like last time, okay? Ignore the music until we’re ready.”

“Okay,” Ren swallowed dryly. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“I do have good ideas every once in a while, you know,” Ryuji said and began to slowly move into a box step.

“Yeah? Like the time you ran in front of a taxi cab and almost got yourself killed?”

“Well it worked, didn’t it?”

“Barely.”

“Whatever. ‘Sides, I meant more like when I hunted you down at school after that first time in Kamoshida’s palace. Trying to find you again was probably the best idea I’ve had in a long time. Led to meeting my best friend and finding the rest of the Phantom Thieves, after all.”

Ren’s heart skipped a beat. Literally. He’d need to pay the good doctor a visit after tonight. “Ryuji, that’s… You’re my best friend, too.”

“Well, no shit I am,” he scoffed. “Who else would it be? Mona?”

“You never know.”

“Shut up,” Ryuji made a show of rolling his eyes. “Now let go of my arm real quick. I’m gonna try spinning you.” He raised their joined hands and led Ren around in a tight circle before bringing him back in and starting the dance again. Ren used the opportunity to step just ever so slightly closer. If Ryuji noticed, he didn’t say anything.

They continued like this long after the episode finished and the title screen reappeared, subtly adjusting their tempo to better match the repeating theme music. Ryuji made no attempt to put an end to their game, and like hell Ren was going to suggest it. He was dancing around in pure bliss. Slightly clumsy, definitely-set-to-the-wrong-kind-of-music-but-oh-well bliss. Now if only he could find a way to oh so casually move his hand from Ryuji’s arm down to his waist…

Ryuji’s phone began chirping almost as soon as the thought crossed Ren’s mind, like God himself was chastising him for the impulse. _I wasn’t actually going to do it_ , he silently promised, just in case someone really was keeping tabs on him. Though he’d bet his money on it being Igor or the twin wardens rather than any god.

“Ah, I should get that,” Ryuji said as he scrambled to free his phone from his pants pocket. They were mid-step as he fumbled, and he braced himself more fully against Ren’s shoulder as he struggled to both answer the call and not trip over himself. Ren had no complaints.

“Hey, ma,” he spoke into the receiver. His hand continued to linger on Ren, suddenly ten times heavier and a hundred times warmer without their dancing to serve as distraction.

“No, I’m studying with my friend at his house. Yes, we’re actually studying.” He winked as he said it. The utter bastard.

“Yeah, I can do that. We’re about done here anyway. Just text me the list, and I’ll grab it all on the way home. Okay, see you soon. Love you, too.” He hung up with a sheepish smile, like he was embarrassed to have been caught being a mama’s boy. Like that wasn’t one of the first things Ren learned about him. “That was my mom.”

“I figured as much,” Ren returned the smile. “She asked you to get groceries?”

“Yup. She’s actually getting home early enough for us to eat together tonight, and she wants to cook something good I guess.”

“That sounds nice. Tell her I said hello.”

“Will do,” Ryuji said. He finally removed his hand and stepped out of Ren’s space as he turned to collect his belongings. Ren missed his presence instantly. Had he always been this needy? Or had just grown unbearably selfish due to Ryuji’s constant visits?

“Ryuji, wait--” the words left his mouth before he could stop himself.

“Hmm? What is it?” the other boy turned back around, shoe half on. _Good question._

“Uh.” Shit. Looking cool, Joker. “We didn’t do that thing.”

“Gonna need you to be a little more specific there, buddy.”

“You know. The thing. Where I tell you how long I’ve loved you, and you say you’d die for me. We can’t end our dance without it.”

Ryuji stared at him with a confused scowl, but it only lasted a few seconds before he broke out into his patented grin. “You’re a real strange guy, you know that?”

“You may have mentioned it once or twice before,” Ren struggled to regain some semblance of cool or calm.

“Well, come on. No offense, but I wanna try and make the next train.”

“Right. So.” Ren stepped forward and reached his arms back out. He was only entirely tempted to seize the opportunity to hold Ryuji by the waist but aimed for his shoulders because he did have a small iota of self-restraint. “Ryuji, I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

Ryuji followed suit and placed his hands on Ren’s arms. He gave them both a squeeze. “I’d die for you, man.”

Ren’s heart nearly exploded.

\---------------------------------------

It became sort of a new tradition after that. Ryuji would swing by after school each day, they’d watch Ren’s dumb show, and whenever the characters on screen danced, they’d join in.

They never made it past the box step, which suited Ryuji just fine because the thought of teaching Ren anything even slightly more complex stressed him out way more than he’d like to admit. So, with the box step they stuck, genre and tempo be damned.

Trap music blasting out of on-screen speakers during an illicit house party while the main cast drank too much and grinded on one another indiscriminately? Box step.

Weird musical filler episode with songs just different enough from popular Broadway numbers to avoid copyright infringement (and seriously, if even Ryuji could recognize them then they were definitely toeing the line here)? Box step.

Romantic climax where couple-of-the-hour lock eyes and finally realize their true feelings towards one another? Box step. Okay, admittedly that scenario was way more fitting than any of the others, but the point still remained. Any time music or dancing began playing on the television, one of the boys would inevitably saunter over to the other, hand outstretched and asking for a dance.

And Ryuji didn’t hate it. In fact, he found himself genuinely enjoying their strange shared quirk. It was like a large-scale inside joke that neither could possibly begin to explain to anyone else, but that was okay because they would never have to. Ren was never going to bring their other friends into the attic and share this side of him, just like Ryuji was never going to tell them about the dance lessons and how much they meant to him and his mom. These things were sacred. Secrets meant only to be shared with each other. Ryuji could feel their weight each time he clasped Ren’s hand, and he knew he felt the same.

It was evident in the way Morgana was never around when Ryuji visited anymore. The cat’s presence used to be hit or miss, a toss-up of whether he was going to slum it with Ren and Ryuji or check in on the other phantom thieves. Now he was always gone.

“He misses seeing everyone during school and right after,” Ren had explained after the first couple days of prolonged absence. “I told him I’d be all right if he wanted to spend time with the others in the afternoon since you always keep me company. Dip me again.”

The explanation had made perfect sense. Although Ren was the undisputed leader of the Phantom Thieves, Morgana had always considered himself their guide, so it wasn’t surprising in the least that he would leap at the chance to pester everybody on his own time and without Ren there to keep him in check. He couldn’t help but wonder whether the decision to suddenly do so daily had anything to do with his and Ren’s new hobby though.

“Ya know, you can invite the rest of the gang to hang out anytime you want,” Ryuji said, slipping one hand to Ren’s waist and guiding him into an impressively low dip. They held the position for a beat before pulling back up and resuming their dance. “I don’t have to monopolize all your free time or whatever.”

Ren had frowned at that. His hand twitched in Ryuji’s grip, causing the other to tighten his hold ever so slightly.

“I like having my free time monopolized by you,” he finally said softly. His eyes bored into Ryuji’s, deep and heavy with meaning, but what exactly he couldn’t say. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Ryuji swallowed, his voice unconsciously quieter to match Ren’s. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

It was also evident in their metaverse interactions, the shifts in their previously steadfast dynamic. Ryuji let his arm linger around Ren’s shoulder longer, squeezed him in tighter after successfully looting a treasure chest. They walked back to the Mona-mobile glued together, giggling over shared whispers about what exactly they were supposed to do with another spiked bra and whether or not they could convince Morgana it was a set of elaborate ear guards.

Their knees clacked as they settled back in to their respective seats, thighs pressed tight together as they endeavored to squish in comfortably next to Yusuke. Ryuji no longer squirmed away at the contact, didn’t grumble out frustrated protests of “Can’t you transform into a bigger ride?” and “How come I got Joker half on my lap and not Panther?” Their limbs slotted together as they pleased, more often than not with Ryuji’s arm behind Ren’s head and Ren’s leg draped atop Ryuji’s. It was easier this way, he rationalized. If seven people had to find a way to fit themselves into one cat-bus, it only made sense for the two closest friends to take advantage of their willingness to invading one another’s personal bubble to make room for the others.

He didn’t dwell on the fact that their heightened level of comfort stemmed from afternoons spent dancing away in the attic room.

And he definitely didn’t dwell on the niggling thought that these days he felt more comfortable with Ren’s body up close to his than he did without. Cause that would be weird. Weird and definitely untrue.

Though if it were true, it would only be because of the realization he had made less than two weeks ago about how touch starved Ren seemed to be, and he was just trying to be a good friend and make up for lost time. And that wasn’t weird at all.

Exploring Shido’s palace seemed to be the biggest give away of all though. The asshole’s political boasts repeated loudly over the ship’s speaker system, but the repetitive cruise music played even louder and in more areas. It wasn’t long before they found a new game.

“Skull,” Joker commanded in his serious leader voice. “You and I will check out the rooms to the east and clear out as many of the weaker enemies as we can. The rest of you double back through the cleared hallways and look for any vents or crawlspaces we may have missed. I know there’s a way through this rat maze; we just have to find it.”

“Will it be safe, just the two of you?” Queen asked, her tone of voice indicating that it was 100% not safe and, in fact, a truly horrible plan.

“We’ll be fine,” Joker insisted. “Skull’s got my back, don’t you?” He slapped Ryuji’s shoulder and left his hand there.

 _Sounds like a pretty bad idea to me_ , Ryuji thought but found himself nodding affirmatively nonetheless. He swallowed nervously as he watched the other thieves turn back to look for forgotten clues and prayed that any shadows they came across showed mercy.

“Come on.” Ren (he had dropped the Joker voice and was officially just himself in a stupid outfit again) tugged his wrist and led him into the first room. “They won’t be gone long so we have to make this quick.”

“Make what quick?” Ryuji asked with a frown while surveying their surroundings. He didn’t love the way the door shut automatically behind them, but there were no enemies or golden statues threatening to turn them into mice, so he wasn’t too upset so far.

“This.” Ren placed a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder and slid the other into his hand. Ryuji followed the motions on instinct, and before he realized what was happening Ren began to lead him in a quick, jerky box step.

Ryuji couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously, man? Please don’t tell me you split our group up just so we could dance together.”

“All right, I won’t tell you,” Ren smirked and spun Ryuji around. He had grown more comfortable leading, and it seemed his confidence only grew further while in the Metaverse. “But don’t pretend you hadn’t thought about it too. This background music is just begging for a half-assed waltz.”

Ryuji only shrugged. He hadn’t _not_ thought about it, but the ever-present danger of running through the heart of possibly the evilest man in the country sort of outweighed anything else. “Just never thought you’d slack off like this. Woulda guessed finding a way for us to get out was your top priority.”

“Please,” Ren huffed. “I’ve had our escape route mapped for a while now. I just wanted to get you alone for a few minutes first.”

Ryuji blushed. The phrase ‘get you alone’ had always had very specific connotations in his mind. As in, connotations toward a girl you liked and wanted to…well…to get alone. Not toward a guy, and definitely not toward your best friend.

“Bullshit,” he tried to sound casual.

“Not bullshit,” Ren insisted. “There was a vent in the last mouse room. We just have to scurry back that way and we’ll be home-free.”

“You’re really something else, ya know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

\---------------------------------------

Dancing with Ryuji had to have been one of the best ideas Ren had ever had. In fact, he would go so far as to say it was _the_ best idea he had ever had. The intimacy of holding him close and being held close in return. The fun of stepping all over each other and being generally bad at the whole thing. The excitement of never knowing when exactly Ryuji was going to offer his hand, and the thrill of watching him smile as he clasped Ren’s outstretched palm.

Yeah. Best idea ever.

And it was the perfect distraction, too. The only activity that could consistently break though the monotony of hacking away at Shido’s cruiser and the pain of training in Mementos. All it took was one sideways glance, one eyebrow cocked to a secluded hallway, and they’d be off. Stealing steps and spins and dips in second-long intervals, rushing to catch back up with the others before their absence is noticed. It was perfect, and it was selfish, and Ren was convinced it would propel them straight through the palace and back into the real world where he could come up with more creative excuses to dance the day away with Ryuji.

He hadn’t accounted for Akechi though. And he certainly hadn’t accounted for his sacrifice to leave such a lasting imprint on him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ryuji’s voice was soft and gentle, prodding without poking. The question was so obviously intoned in this voice so dissimilar to Ryuji’s usual brash speech that he had half a mind to ignore it. To feign deafness until the other boy yelled at him in frustration. He didn’t deserve soft, didn’t deserve gentle. More than that, he didn’t want those things – only wanted his regular Ryuji. He couldn’t very well say as much though.

“I don’t know what I want,” he finally sighed, even though he knew very well what he craved (and could never have).

“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” Ryuji said. He stared into Ren’s eyes as he did, searching for any flash of emotion. Ren grunted and looked away.

“Hey, I mean it, man,” he continued, purposefully stepping in closer as they danced. A mere day ago, Ren would have been overjoyed by the maneuver. Now, though…

“You did everything you could to save him, and then some. He already had his mind made up, and there was no way you or anybody else were going to stop him.”

“How do you know?”

“How do I know?”

“Yes.” Ren stopped their dance. If Ryuji was going to insist they talk about it, then they were going to talk about it dammit. But there was no way he could have this conversation in motion. “How do you know his mind was made up? How do you know there was nothing I could have done? I-I hardly had the chance to try.”

“Ren,” Ryuji said in that soft voice again, but this time it didn’t feel nearly as forced. “I know because I was there. I saw him, saw you both. He was too far gone to be saved. Honestly, I think he walked into that place knowing he wasn’t walking back out. He just wanted to… I don’t know. See you again.”

“See me again?” Ren choked out. Tears were beginning to form behind his eyes, and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold them back. “What does that even mean?”

“It means,” Ryuji shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t really know how else to say it. But I guess it means Akechi knew he fucked up when he thought he killed you. And when he realized maybe you weren’t dead, he wanted to see you again. There was no way he was expecting you to forgive him, because – let’s be honest – he had no idea how dumb you can be. So you couldn’t save him, because he couldn’t be saved. Didn’t want to be.”

The tears began falling as Ryuji spoke, but Ren managed to smile through them. “You don’t typically call someone dumb when you’re trying to cheer them up.”

“Yeah, well,” Ryuji brought his hands up to wipe Ren’s cheeks, drying his face as tenderly as clumsy, calloused thumbs could. “You ain’t exactly typical.”

And that broke him, caused sobs to tear free from his chest with abandon. Ryuji’s hands paused, overwhelmed by the sudden increase in tears. But before Ren could pull back and apologize, insist that he didn’t need to comfort him, he was pulled into a warm embrace. Ryuji guided his face into the crook of his neck and held his shoulders as Ren continued to weep. His arms curled around Ryuji’s middle instinctively, the other boy tightening his own hold in response, as if granting permission.

Well, at least he finally got to hold Ryuji by the waist like he wanted.

They stayed like that for a long time. How long exactly, Ren couldn’t say, but long enough for his tears to eventually dry out on their own and his sobs to turn into small hiccups and sniffs. Ryuji kept one arm circled around him protectively, the other occasionally shifting up to smooth Ren’s messy curls and down to rub soothing circles on his back. “You’re okay,” he insisted in hushed whispers. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Ren didn’t believe him, but he wanted to. And that was almost enough.

“Thanks, Ryuji,” he managed to mumble between hiccups, face still buried in the other boy’s neck.

“Any time. Hey, do you wanna,” Ren could feel Ryuji swallow. “Do you maybe wanna dance some more? Will that make you feel better?”

“Yeah,” Ren nodded. “But I also kind of don’t want to move.”

Ryuji gave a small laugh. “We’ll figure something out.”

They ended up just rocking back and forth, Ryuji leading Ren in a somewhat rhythmic sway set to the television they had both forgotten about. Ren luxuriated in the feeling of having Ryuji’s body so close to his for so long. It was nothing like the hundreds of hugs they had shared throughout the course of their friendship. Nothing like the dozens of times they had danced alone in the attic, or, more recently, in the Metaverse while nobody else was watching.

There was so much more meaning to it now, almost too much really. Their movements were slow and heavy with the weight of Ren’s guilt, kept in motion only by Ryuji’s unrelenting goodness and care. It was probably a metaphor for their relationship or something, but Ren was too exhausted to examine it. And, more importantly, he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment by doing something stupid. Like talking, or thinking too much, or even lifting his head.

Although he really did need to lift his head once he thought about. His tears had dried in sticky patches, gluing his face to Ryuji’s skin and shirt. Which let’s be real, he wasn’t complaining all that much about, but at this point it was probably boarding on rude to stay as he was.

Slowly, delicately, he picked his head up from its resting place. He wiped his face as best he could with the sleeve of one arm, stubbornly leaving the other where it still lay wrapped around Ryuji. He pushed down the glasses that had at some point made their way to the top of his head. They were horribly smudged, and he opted to toss them on the futon rather than halt their swaying in order to clean them. He was only a little nearsighted anyway, he wouldn’t miss them.

“Hey,” he breathed out when he finally raised his eyes up to meet Ryuji’s. His eyebrows were furrowed with clear concern.

“Hey yourself,” Ryuji responded, eyebrows unmoving.

“Thanks again.”

“Ya don’t have to keep thanking me,” he huffed as though agitated, but the tiny smirk gracing his lips gave him away.

“But I want to,” Ren persisted. “I’m always going to thank you when you do something worth thanking.”

“Whatever, man.” He rolled his eyes.

“Thank you for always keeping me company.”

Ryuji snorted.

“Thank you for teaching me how to dance.”

He ‘hmphed.’

“Thank you for buying me ramen that one time.”

“Thank you for going out and renting the sixth season of _Bubbly Hills_ after you got out of class and I didn’t want to go out in the rain.”

“Thank you for laughing at my bad jokes.”

“Thank you for sharing your soda.”

“Thank you for comforting me today without me even having to ask.”

“Thank you for-“

“Okay, enough’s enough!” Ryuji protested, flustered. He was turning pink from his neck to the tip of his ears, and it was probably the cutest thing Ren had ever seen. “I get it, all right? You like saying thanks.”

“I don’t think you get it at all if that’s the interpretation you got.”

“Whatever, man. Just—drop it, okay? It feels weird.”

“How about a compromise?” Ren hummed. “I get one more and then I stop.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes. “One more.”

“Okay, guess I better make it count.” Ren tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. He pursed his lips and let out exaggerated ‘thinking’ sounds as he decided what exactly to say.

“Come on, man.”

“Hey, don’t rush me. These things take time.”

“Ugh,” Ryuji sighed, likely not even realizing he was acting just as dramatic as Ren. “Seriously, I have to leave soon, and I wanna make sure you’re totally okay before I go.”

“Okay, you win,” Ren leaned his head back in. Not like he was actually trying hard to come up with something to say – he had already had it planned out before Ryuji interrupted him. “This is important, and I’m only going to say it once, so pay close attention.”

“Sure,” Ryuji said sarcastically but brought his face closer to Ren’s anyway.

They were mere inches apart, the same mere inches apart they had been since Ryuji dragged him into this close dance, but suddenly they felt too far apart. And Ren, spurred on by adrenaline or grief or who knows what, decided it wasn’t enough. He bridged the gap, knocked his forehead against Ryuji’s and left it there. Looked straight into the other boy’s eyes and mustered all the sincerity he could manage before finally saying “Thank you for being my friend.”

Ryuji’s breath hitched. Ren could hear it clearly from how close he was, could feel him start up again when he remembered to exhale a second later. His face grew pinker, and the warmth it radiated must have spread to Ren’s own face because he felt his skin grow hot as Ryuji returned his gaze.

“Thanks for being my friend, too,” Ryuji responded. So serious, so genuine, so tender. So perfect. Ren could hardly stand it. The same subconscious desire that had convinced him to push himself so closely to Ryuji now screamed at him to pull back. To add some distance before he did something truly idiotic.

He did pull back, fully intending to listen to that inner voice and give Ryuji some space. But then the other boy had to go and lick his lips, and Ren’s brain short circuited right then and there.

“You okay?” Ryuji asked, and Ren realized dimly he must be staring. Staring at those perfect lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Perfect lips he had been dying to kiss. That he was close enough to kiss now.

“You sure?” Ryuji frowned. It was a cute frown, one Ren would love to press against until it turned into a smile. He just nodded in response, afraid that if he tried to answer verbally he’d end up revealing too much. 

“All right,” Ryuji said, clearly unconvinced but unwilling to push the issue further. “As long as you’re one hundred percent positive. You gonna be good facing Shido tomorrow?”

Probably not. The thought of finally confronting the man who robbed him of his future and two friends from their parents left him feeling beyond ill. But Ren didn’t need to reveal that. “Yeah, I’m ready to settle this once and for all.”

“Good,” Ryuji gave a forced smile. “Guess I’ll get going then.” He began to unwrap his arms from around Ren’s shoulders. 

“Wait,” Ren tightened his hold around Ryuji, trapped him in place. He wasn’t ready for him to leave. He didn’t want him to ever leave. 

“What’s up?”

“Ryuji, I… I love you. I’ve loved you since the day we met.” The words came out breathlessly, and if Ren had been talking to just about anyone other than Ryuji they would have realized right away just how much he meant what he said. 

Ryuji just smiled. “And I’d die for you, man.”

That should have been enough. It was _supposed_ to be enough, had been each time before. But not this time. There was too much hanging on this moment, too much tensions built up around them. From that first afternoon in the attic to today. The air was heavy with Ren’s true intentions. Surely Ryuji must recognize that on some level?

He had started hanging onto Ren more, had stopped talking about girls as much in front of him. He texted first, made sure they had all the necessary DVDs and snacks before leaving school. This had to mean something to him too. It had to. 

Ren acted without thought, tilted his head ever so slightly to the right and leaned in close. He moved slowly, so, so slowly. Gave Ryuji ample time to back out all the while praying he wouldn’t. His eyes met Ryuji’s. At first wide with surprise, then narrowed in recognition, in understanding. This was happening. He was finally going to kiss Ryuji, finally cross that threshold from best friend to something more. 

Their lips were mere millimeters apart when Ryuji pulled away. “What are you-?”

The spell broke. 

“Ryuji, I’m sorry.”

This wasn’t an after school drama. They weren’t the couple of the hour. 

“Ren, I-“

Ryuji jerked out of Ren’s grasp. 

“I’m so sorry.”

They were just friends. They would only ever be friends. They couldn’t be more. 

“I’m not like that.”

He grabbed his shoes and tumbled into them. 

“I know. I’m sorry. Ryuji, please, I’m so sorry.”

He hefted his bag over his shoulder. 

“I need to go.”

He turned towards the stairs. 

“Wait, I’m sorry.”

But it was too late. Ryuji was already gone. 

\---------------------------------------

Shit. 

Shit shit shit. 

_Shit._

Ryuji had almost kissed his best friend. Well, his best friend had almost kissed him, but really what’s the difference?

Especially considering he had been so close to kissing him back. Which he had been. He had spent half the night replaying the moment in his head, and though he tried to deny it at first, tried to explain it away with every excuse in the book, Ryuji had undoubtedly almost kissed Ren. 

Shit. 

How did this even happen? Three weeks ago he wouldn’t have been able to even imagine sharing something like with Ren, with any guy. Now suddenly it was all he could think about.

His soft hair, pleading eyes, warm arms. 

His lips that looked just as soft, pleading, and warm as everything else combined. 

When was the last time he had thought those kinds of things about a girl? Ryuji really couldn’t remember. Every time he closed his eyes to picture his past infatuations, all he could think of was Ren. 

Shit. 

Ryuji wasn’t gay. He just wanted. He loved women. Loved them. Even amid his current existential crisis there was no doubt in his mind that he 100% liked girls. He just also… maybe… 100% liked his best friend?

By 4AM he had started to make some sense out of he whole situation. Ren kind of looked like a girl at certain angles. And sometimes he kind of acted like one too? Like when he gets excited about finding ‘cute’ armor for Mona or when Ryuji buys dinner and he spends the next ten minutes blushing. 

Plus there was the whole dancing thing…

Oh god. 

Maybe dancing really was as romantic as people always say. 

Shit. 

He met up with the rest of the Phantom Thieves with only about two hours of sleep under his belt and zero clue as to how to handle the whole ‘liking his sometimes effeminate but definitely a dude best friend’ situation. 

It definitely wasn’t the best state of mind to enter battle in, but it wasn’t like he had much say in the matter. He had been nervous when the thieves first met up before entering the palace, unsure how he and Ren would interact. 

In movies, there was always time between these big moments. Large gaps separating whatever initial incident and the eventual resolution. Plenty of opportunity for the protagonist to plan out their grand gesture. Ryuji had, like, 12 hours? To plan out nothing. 

Shit. 

He made sure he wasn’t the first one to arrive to the meeting. It was cowardly, he knew, but he needed the buffer. Luckily everyone beat him there but Yusuke, and Futaba monopolized the conversation so fully with her excitement over the extreme calling card that there really wasn’t much time to panic. 

They did make eye contact. Exactly three times. And each time the pained look on Ren’s face caused the guilt in Ryuji’s heart to swell. They needed to talk. He needed to explain himself or apologize or kiss him or something. 

After the battle. They’d hash it all out. He just had to wait until after the battle. 

 

That was the thought that pushed him through their fight with Shido. The overbearing need to get Ren alone (Yes, get him alone) and talk feelings. 

It was also the thought that pushed him to run up to that lifeboat. Even with his bum leg, he was the only one who had any chance of reaching the lever. They all knew it, but he was the only one who could make the call. So he did. 

He spared one last glance towards the team, towards Ren, and set off. It wasn’t easy, but it was less difficult than he initially thought it would be. The Metaverse May have been collapsing around them, but it still held great power and allowed him to propel himself further than he reasonably should have been able to. He reached his destination in no time, and with one strong pull, he lowered the boat into the water. 

He stared down at his friends from his less-than-safe perch high above them. They clambered into the boat as quickly as they could, desperate to escape the rapidly sinking cruiser. As the last thief made it to safety, he began planning his jump down. It wasn’t going to be a nice landing thanks to all the debris floating on the surface, but he was pretty sure that if the Metaverse let him get up this far, it would let him get down too. 

He heard the explosion less than a second before it hit him. Flames enveloped his back, circled to his front in an unforgiving embrace. Then there was only darkness. 

He awoke surrounded by green. For a moment, he thought it must be the peaceful fields of Heaven or something equally contrived. But as his eyes regained focus, he found that it was just a bush. Which he had apparently been unceremoniously flung into, face first. 

Well, it beat dying. 

He stood up and tried in vain to brush the leaves and dirt from his clothing, but he must have been really lodged in there because nothing was coming off. He did manage to pull a twig or two from his hair at least. He was so caught up in his preening that he nearly missed the crying. 

Ryuji looked for the source, turned the nearest corner and saw the rest of the thieves. They looked like they were in mourning. Maybe their landings were even tougher than his own and they were checking for injuries?

He tried to ask as much, but all of a sudden Ann and the other girls were screeching about what a jerk he was and how could he do that, and he was honestly so effing lost. Like sure he probably shouldn’t have said Ann’s crying face wasn’t cute, but it definitely didn’t warrant a slap in the face. 

She pulled her arm back for another hit, and Ryuji instinctively flinched away, but someone stopped her before she could make contact.

“Ren.”

“Ryuji.”

There was so much to say, but when he looked into the other boys eyes, saw the tears that he must have been crying for him, his mind went blank. 

“I-,” he scrambled to say something, anything that could convey just how much Ren meant to him and how badly he felt about the way he messed it all up. “Ren, I… I’d die for you, man.”

Ren choked out something that sounded like equal parts laughter and tears and flung himself into Ryuji’s arms. They held each other tightly as he buried his face into Ryuji’s neck just like he had done only last night. 

“And I’ve loved you since the day we met,” he whispered right below his ear before kissing him. It was full and hard, nothing like the near-kiss from before. No time for Ryuji to back out even if he wanted to, which he was certain now he didn’t. Ryuji returned the kiss with enthusiasm, willfully deaf to the gasps of their friends as they watched the scene unfold. 

This was going to be a bitch to explain once Ren finally released him, but for now, it was perfect.


End file.
